


What Was Once Lost

by Reiven



Category: Bravetown (2015)
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Father-Son Relationship, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:16:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiven/pseuds/Reiven
Summary: A near fatal accident forces Josh to open up to his father and the people closest to him. Somewhere along the way he discovers that allowing people in isn't too hard and in the long run perhaps it's even more rewarding than he ever thought possible.





	1. Chapter 1

It felt like he was emerging from the depth of a watery prison. Everything was fuzzy and distorted, too white and too bright and his hearing and every other sense he possessed was muffled and inaudible.

Where was he? How did he get there?

He couldn’t concentrate on anything besides the overwhelming feeling of emptiness that gripped him tight and the fear that blanketed him like a shadow.

There was numbness, the terrifying kind, and also fear; the foreboding kind that you just couldn’t escape no matter how fast you ran.

But Josh wasn’t running, on the contrary, it felt like he had lead appendages attached to his body instead of limbs. His entire left side felt like it wasn’t even attached to the rest of him, like there was an empty space where his left arm and the left part of his chest used to be. If he concentrated enough, he could still almost feel it there; his lungs expanding and contracting with every painful breath he inhaled.

He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t know how he got there. He couldn’t even open his eyes to look around at his surroundings. The only thing he could do was concentrate on breathing in and out and in and out and try not to let his fear overpower him and panic. He couldn’t move his body. He couldn’t feel his limbs. He couldn’t even open his eyes to look at what was happening around him or at the muffled sounds of voices he could sometimes hear through the suffocating white haze.

His body hurt all over, and at the same time, he couldn’t really feel anything, it was a very bizarre sensation and a very scary situation to be in.

Once in a while he could hear the sound of voices speaking somewhere in the distance; sometimes they would appear close, as if they were just within reaching distance, and sometimes they would seem like they were coming from miles away underwater.

It was scary and it was lonely, and even though Josh thought he’d grown used to the feeling, it didn’t make it any less terrifying.

The walls were white, and the sun was shining over the tree tops outside the window.

That was the first thing Josh saw; the first thing that he managed to focus on once he got his own eyes to open. His eyelids felt like they were weighed down with weights and steel and opening them was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life but the sight that came into focus didn’t answer the burning questions that raged inside his mind.

Where was he? How did he get there? What happened?

The second thing he noticed was that he couldn’t move his left arm at all; he could barely feel whether it was still attached to his shoulder but he was too afraid to look, plus the effort that would be required to turn his head to the side was more than he was willing to muster up.

It came to him in pieces like a jigsaw puzzle falling into place.

Feeling a hard shove against his back – stumbling forward into the street – the sound of tyres skidding on pavement – a crash – the most excruciating pain he’d ever felt in his life – then nothing but white noise.

His eyes flew open. He hadn’t even realized they’d slipped shut again.

The memory brought on an influx of pain that he all of a sudden could feel through every nerve ending.

He remembered brushing off another confrontation with Mary’s _whathisface_ ex. He remembered walking away. He remembered Mary and Angie shouting his name and the fear that coated their words. He remembered stumbling forward, between the two parked cars on the side of the road, unable to stop the unexpected acceleration of his step and the run down old caddie that all of a sudden appeared right in front of him.  He didn’t remember the impact, only that all of a sudden he was crashing into the guy’s windscreen and rolling off the hood to land hard on the unyielding pavement below.

Death was close, he could feel it, and in that moment a part of himself embraced its approach with open arms. At least he couldn’t be a burden to anyone anymore.

But he didn’t die, that much was obvious. He was probably in the hospital judging by the whiteness of the walls and the staleness of the air surrounding him.

And he was alone, which was the part that surprised him the least. It wasn’t the first time it happened anyway so he was neither surprised nor disappointed. It was just life as he’d come to expect.

He didn’t have to look to know that his arm was fucked and he found himself a lot less sad than he thought he’d be. It was just as well, things were going too right in his life at that point, the hammer was bound to fall at some point, and obviously it had.

He was alone in the hospital, his arm was most likely broken, he could tell his shoulder at least was messed up, but for some reason he found that he was just too exhausted to care. Perhaps the reality of the situation was taking its sweet time to dawn on him, and maybe once it finally did he’d be sadder than he was at that time; perhaps he’d even cry like a little bitch, but at that moment, he was just too damn tired.

It was an unexpected snore that pulled him back into reality and he forced himself to turn his head to the side, watching the open door on his left and the couple of nurses that had just walked by, and glancing up at the hard plastic seat at his bedside – and the sleeping figure folded uncomfortably in it.

“ _Dad_?”

That was the absolute first thing that came to mind when his brain finally registered the sight he was looking at.

The word spoken was barely above a whisper, but the man was startled into consciousness like it had been shouted at him through a bullhorn.

“Josh?” he said, his voice groggy from sleep. It didn’t seem like he fully registered the sight of the blue eyes staring up at him from the hospital bed, but when it did, he almost leapt to his feet, leaning down over the bed immediately, one had reaching over to brush some wayward strands of hair back from where it was sticking to his forehead. The action seemed like it came almost naturally and Josh didn’t know how to react. “You’re awake,” he said, the tone of his voice coated thick with relief.

“What happened?” he asked. His dad’s palm felt cool on his skin and he subconsciously found himself leaning into the touch.

“You don’t remember?”

He shook his head.

“You got into a fight with one of the boys from school and he shoved you into the street – into oncoming traffic,” his dad explained. “You’ve been unconscious for three days,” he said.

Josh didn’t know how to respond to that. His dad’s words only confirmed what he’d suspected, but to actually hear it being said really drove the reality of the situation home.

“My… My arm?” he asked, willing his voice not to get choked up by the words. Despite what he told himself, he really was afraid. Music was his life – it was his passion, and to not be able to do it anymore… that would be the absolute worst thing he could possibly imagine.

His dad looked sympathetic and Josh willed himself not to tear up. “You broke your collarbone and dislocated your shoulder,” he said, “You also fractured your wrist, but the doctor said that that injury was really quite minor; you took the brunt of the impact with his shoulder when you slammed into the windscreen. You also have a couple of broken ribs,” he explained.

It was funny, the more his dad spoke; describing his injuries, the more he could feel them coming to life in a way; he felt his shoulder first, then his wrist and all of a sudden the whole area of his chest felt like it was on fire. He forced himself not to show the pain so obviously on his face.

“Your friends were here. They’ve been here the whole time. They actually just stepped out for a moment before you woke up.”

At that point, Josh could still hear his dad talking, but nothing coming out of his mouth made a lick of sense. His whole body was in agony and he could barely force himself to inhale and exhale the necessary amount of oxygen to keep himself conscious. Even breathing hurt. He clenched his eyes shut to try and block out the pain, but it still came at him without mercy.

He could hear the concern in his dad’s voice and the fear; and for a minute he didn’t understand what could have happened to elicit such a response from the man. It couldn’t have been because of him? Could it?

His mom never cared when he got hurt in the past, after all, why would she? She never wanted him. She probably would have been just as happy – if not happier had he never been born. His dad didn’t care about him at all; otherwise he wouldn’t have left him behind like that. So why would he be concerned now by the unwanted child he got saddled with against his will?

Despite it all; despite his fear and his sadness and the overwhelming sense of self-loathing that came over him – the feel of his father’s hand on his forehead, the sensation of his fingers running through his hair and the sound of his voice in his ear saying _, ‘It’s okay, Josh, just rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up,’_ – it brought him such a sense of comfort and peace unlike anything he ever felt before, that he found himself drifting off, his own voice sounding like a stranger’s when it said, “Please don’t leave, dad.”

The second time around consciousness came back to him with just as much difficulty. It was like trudging through mud and quicksand that kept trying to pull him under and suffocate him and he couldn’t even use his arms to pull himself out. He couldn’t move or speak or scream for help. He could do nothing but feel himself being pulled deeper and deeper into the ground and watch as the light of the white sun above his head slowly getting swallowed up by the darkness.

All it took was one word to pull him up out of the depths.

“Josh?”

He tried looking for the source of the voice but all he could see was infinite darkness.

He felt a hand on his arm; the touch was warm and comforting and he tried reaching out to grasp onto it but be couldn’t lift his arms.

“Josh, it’s Angie, I’m right here, okay? You’re okay now, just… don’t panic. You’re okay.”

He knew an Angie; she was one of the dancers he mixed music for; one of the first ones to come up to him for help that day and the one who came to him and talked him into coming back when he walked out. He liked Angie; she always had such a warm smile on her face and a calm and reassuring presence. She probably came to say goodbye because he was of no use to them anymore. He couldn’t mix their music and he had nothing beyond that to contribute to the group. At least she had the decency to tell him to his face instead of ignoring his calls in hopes that he’d get the message himself and just go away.

He was used to rejection, but it never lessened the pain of it happening.

She was smiling down at him when he eventually managed to open his eyes.

“Hey,” she said, her hand reaching over to grasp his uninjured shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “How’re you feeling?”

“Been better,” he groaned, winching when he shifted slightly and felt a sharp pain stabbing into his side.

“I bet,” she said, lowering herself down to sit perched on the side of the mattress on his right side. “Should I wake you dad and tell him you’re up?”

He heard the question but for a second it didn’t really make any sense, until he turned to look at his side and saw his dad sleeping in the same position in the same chair that he’d last saw him in.

“Your dad told us you woke up for a while the other day just as we’d stepped out and everyone was really disappointed that we missed it,” she said.

Once again, he could see her lips moving and she was speaking English, but nothing she was saying made any sense whatsoever.

“When was that?” he asked, feeling unnerved by the amount of time he’d lost and not realized.

“Umm, it was yesterday morning,” she said. “You were out of it for almost three days before that, and you were in so much pain yesterday that the doctors had to knock you out again.”

He’d lost four whole days; he didn’t even know what day it was or even what was actually happening, because with every word that came out his dad and Angie’s mouth, he found his confusion growing more and more.

Why were they there? They didn’t have to be. What did they want from him? He had nothing to give any of them anymore. He found his confusion quickly morphing into frustration and anger and he didn’t know where to even begin directing it.

“You know, your dad hasn’t left the hospital since you were brought in,” she said and all of a sudden Josh felt his growing anger abruptly fizzling out.

“What? Why?” He asked. He knew his question and his tone baffled Angie, he could see the emotion clearly on her face.

“What do you mean _why_? He’s your dad right?”

He didn’t know where to even begin the explanation. There really wasn’t one; Angie didn’t know, none of them knew about him, about his history and about his parents or anything about his past and he was adamant on keeping it that way.

“Never mind,” he said instead. “Why are you here though?”

She looked hurt by the question, he could tell, but he just couldn’t find any other _nicer_ way to get his point across. He didn’t really want her there; he didn’t want any of them there. He didn’t want their sympathy or their pity; he knew what was coming and he just wanted to get over and done with and pretend that he never came to that stupid town and he never met those stupid people.

“I was worried about you. We _all_ were,” she said. “You didn’t see yourself when it happened, you… we all thought you were going to die, Josh,” she added, her voice shaking slightly and her eyes starting to glisten with slowly pooling tears. “We were so scared – Tony couldn’t stop crying and your dad… you dad was freaking out. You might find that hard to believe, but it’s true. I… I don’t know what happened to you in the past to make you this way, but people here – _we_ , Josh, we all care about you. We worry about you because you’re our friend.”

He had plenty of friends back in New York. Everyone he met wanted to be his friend, but where were all his _friends_ when he needed them? Where were they when he _needed_ friends, or even just _one_ friend? They left the moment he stopped being fun, when he stopped being able to help _them_ , when he had nothing else to offer them apart from his friendship. The word friend didn’t mean the same thing to him as it obviously meant to her, so he kept quiet. But Angie didn’t seem discouraged at all.

“Maybe you don’t believe me, and that’s okay, I don’t want to force you to feel something you don’t,” she said. “But I want you to know that unfortunately for you, you’re stuck with us, for better or for worse. And trust me, Josh, I may be small, but I’m also the most determined person you’ll ever meet in your life.” That comment managed to elicit a small smile; if nothing else it was because of the sheer tenacity of it. He knew first-hand how determined she could be. “So… whatever happened to you before, just… don’t give up on us yet, okay? You didn’t give up on us then, please don’t start now.”

If there was something Josh could respect, it was passion, and Angie exuded it like an aura in both her dancing and in her personality. He couldn’t help but fall for her charms a second time as easily as he did the first time around. “Okay,” he said.

“Okay,” she repeated with a wide smile. Reaching over to grasp his hand in hers and holding it tight on her lap.

He drifted off feeling her eyes still staring at him intently and he found it more comforting than creepy.

The third time he dragged himself out of the darkness, it was much easier and less painful. The pain he’d felt constantly even with all the painkillers the doctors were pumping into him had dulled into a throbbing ache that hovered over him like a cloud, but it was a level of pain he could manage. It was at least tolerable.

This time the first thing he did when he woke up was look to his left, the seat his father had apparently been occupying for the better part of four days, and found it empty.

He didn’t know how he really felt about it. He wasn’t surprised, but the disappointment that bubbled up inside him wouldn’t stop making its nefarious presence known.

“Annie dragged your dad out to get coffee and some fresh air,” said a voice. A familiar masculine one and Josh didn’t know whether to groan first or roll his eyes; he opted for both at the same time before turning to look at the familiar face sitting half sprawled in the chair that had been occupied by Angie a few hours – days? – ago. He really didn’t know how much time has passed.

“Are you known for going out to hunt for your patients when they miss their sessions like this?” he asked, his throat felt dry and speaking was a chore but the mere presence of the other man just seemed to bring it out of him.

“Only when they go and almost get themselves killed. I feel like it’s my obligation to go check on them and make sure they’re okay,” he said with a lopsided grin. The silence lasted for a moment before Alex rightened himself in his seat, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “In all seriousness… I’m really glad you’re okay, Josh.”

Josh sighed. “Define okay,” he said with a pained moan when an inadvertent movement jarred his injured shoulder.

He’d only managed to pluck up the courage to glance down and assess the actual damage to his arm. Thankfully the worst of it was hidden by layers of bandages wrapped snug around his chest, collarbone and shoulder; his arm strapped tight to his chest by some kind of over embellished sling. His wrist was wrapped securely in a black brace and his entire arm half covered by the hospital gown that had been draped over him.

“By okay, I mean alive and breathing,” Alex said, his words slightly teasing but the tone underneath it thick with barely concealed emotion.

“Fair enough,” he said. He needed to find a more comfortable position; his back was killing him but he was terrified of moving even an inch. Alex seemed to notice because he got to his feet and hovered close over him.

“You need me to do something, kid?” he asked in concern.

Josh clenched his eyes shut and tried no to grimace. “My back hurts,” he said, “But I can’t move.”

He didn’t open his eyes even when he felt Alex shuffling around him. “Do you want me to get the doctor?” he asked and Josh quickly shook his head. “What do you need me to do?”

Josh didn’t know either. He didn’t want doctors or nurses; he just wanted the pain to stop, he just wanted everything to stop.

His mind was overloaded with the dark thoughts he couldn’t control or keep at bay; his mom’s words from that night; Mary’s words telling him that he didn’t understand how it felt to be abandoned; seeing his dad for the first time and realizing that despite the façade he put on, deep down he didn’t hate the man, he just wanted him to be there, he wanted him to care about him and love him and be a father to him. He was ashamed of his own thoughts that he couldn’t even bring himself to look his father in the face whenever they were together.

He felt himself being lifted gently onto his right side and the soft feeling of a pillow being pressed up against his back. He felt another one being tucked under his injured arm so it had something to rest on instead of being pulled down by gravity and putting pressure on his ribs.

The lack of pressure on his back quickly lessened his pain and after a while he finally managed to force his eyes back open.

Alex was once again sitting in the chair in his line of sight, his elbows on his knees and leaning forward slightly towards him. “Better?” he asked, and Josh thought he imagined the way his voice shook slightly when he said the word. He couldn’t bring himself to reply, his throat felt dry and the words just wouldn’t come to him, so he just nodded. “I’m glad,” said Alex as he reached over to pat him on the thigh. “Try and get some rest, Josh, you’ve been through a lot over the last couple of days, no one expects you to be a hundred-percent right off the bat. You still have a lot of healing to do.”

Josh couldn’t argue with that, so he didn’t. Instead he held Alex’s reassuring gaze until he felt his eyes slowly slipping shut and his consciousness drifting away to white.

The fourth time he woke up – or was it the fifth time – he really didn’t know, he couldn’t keep track; his dad was there, standing in the corner staring out the window. He didn’t make a move to let him know he was awake, instead he just watched his dad watching the scenery beyond the window.

He looked a little like his dad, he thought, or maybe that was just him projecting his emotions into something he desperately hoped was there; something he maybe had in common with the man besides his DNA. He didn’t know anything about him, and he was sure the man didn’t know anything about him either. But that was less of a shocker. His mom didn’t know anything about him at all and he lived with her all his life.

“Dad?” he called out before his brain could even register his mouth moving to speak.

The bright smile that spread across his face when he turned around and found Josh staring at him was unnerving; he didn’t know what to think about it. His mom never looked happy; at least she never looked happy when she was around him. He always suspected the reason why but it didn’t hurt any less when she confirmed what he’d known all along. He couldn’t even recall the last time he saw his own mom’s smile.

“Welcome back, son,” he said and Josh would never admit it, but there was a warmness that spread inside his gut from hearing his dad use the word _son_ to call him. “How are you feeling?”

He could have said his usual line; the words he always fell back on when a situation seemed to be going towards an uncomfortably emotional route. He could have said _‘I’m fine’_ and he knew his dad wouldn’t think of calling him out on it, their relationship was still too rocky, still on such a precarious ground that he wouldn’t think of calling his lie. But instead, he said; “Not too well.” And it was the truth.

He could see on his dad’s face that he realized the enormity of the three little words; the unsaid offer he was extending; allowing him leeway to try and get to know his son a little better and not just getting completely shut out, because that’s what Josh was to him: _his son_ , and he was still Josh’s dad and until that moment, Josh was afraid of acknowledging those two undeniable facts.

“Can I do anything?” he asked, walking over and taking the vacant seat in front of him.

Josh just shook his head. He saw his dad’s face fall a little so he quickly added. “Just… please just stay.”

The smile on his dad’s face was priceless. “I can do that,” he said. Josh’s own smile came easily to his face after that.

“Have you been here the entire time?” he asked.

“Of course, Josh,” he said, “We were all very worried about you. Your friends – they’ve been coming and going every day since. Even your principal’s been by a few times to see how you’re doing; and of course your counselor. People at school ask about you all the time as well from what I hear – you’ve become quite the popular guy, I take it.”

Josh decided not to comment. “What about… um – about… the guys who…” he trailed off though he knew his dad understood who he was referring to.

“The ones who were directly involved were expelled. Your principal was furious,” he explained. “Though they were taken to the station after it happened, considering they’re minors, I don’t think any of them are going to be seeing any serious jail time, probably probation, of course, unless you decide that you want to press charges.”

Josh just shook his head. He didn’t really want to give any of them any more thought beyond what was already seared into his mind. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand, he wouldn’t wish prison on anyone, not even any of those guys. On the other hand, he was suffering the consequences of their stupid jealousy. All the pain he’d gone through, everything he was suffering through, it was because of a couple of dumb ass teenagers couldn’t let go of a grudge. It was frustrating and infuriating. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to do music again, and it was all their fault.

“You okay?”

He shook his head a fraction. “Not really… I’m just tired.”

“If you need to rest, son, I can –”

“Not that kind of tired,” he interjected quickly. “Just… tired about everything, about life… about… I don’t know… why did you leave?” he asked out of the blue.

His dad, to his credit, looked like he’d been waiting for that question for a while. He just sighed, scrubbing his face with the palm of his hand. “Back then, when your mom knew me… I was… I was a messed up guy – a _terrible_ person. Not a person cut out to raise a family. It’s no excuse, I know that and I won’t try and make it out to be one,” he said. “Just uh… when she told me she was pregnant – I got scared; just the idea of it messed with my head, you know? I was a coward and a useless piece of shit and I ran and I didn’t look back.

“When I finally managed to get my life back together and on track, I thought it was already too late. You were grown and probably angry and I just let my own fear and self-doubt consume me. I know there’s nothing I can do or say that will ever really make up for it, but if it’s okay with you – if-if you want to… I would love to be a part of your life from now on. I won’t make up for the past, but I hope… I hope at some point I’ll be able to be the father you deserve.”

Josh didn’t know what he really expected to gain from the answer to the question that had been burning at the edge of his mind all his life; solace perhaps, maybe even peace, but on the inside he still felt empty. His dad’s words had answered the question, but it didn’t really afford him any sort of closure.

“Mom said she never wanted to have me,” he said.

“She told you that?” his dad asked, his brows furrowed. When Josh nodded, he added; “When?”

“When I was leaving to come here,” he said.

He surprised himself by how easily the words came tumbling out. He heard his dad curse under his breath and it gave him a small sort of satisfaction to hear the concealed anger and regret it indicated. He’d always felt so alone in everything, mainly because he never allowed himself to open up to let another person in. Eventually not saying anything to anyone became his default mode, but considering the company he kept with back in New York, it was probably for the best.

But right then, coming to know his father for all of a couple of months after a lifetime of hating his guts, the man was proving himself to be a better parent than his mom ever was.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that. No one should ever have to hear those words being said to them, especially from their parent, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you growing up – it is and will remain my biggest regret in life. I just hope that it’s not too late to try and mend these fences because I want to get to know you better, Josh, I want to be in your life and I want you to be in mine. I want to be the father you never had – if you’ll let me.”

Josh found himself at a loss for words.

Here was his dad, the man who left him and his mom before he was even born; the man he’d thought so many terrible things about and couldn’t remember not hating at any point in his life. Here he was offering him something he only ever dreamt of, something he could only look at from a distance when he was younger; something he could remember wanting from the time he was old enough to have conscious thought.

It was all he ever wanted and being faced with the possibility of it all of a sudden, especially when he was in such a vulnerable position, Josh couldn’t remember how to speak to properly convey his feelings.

Thankfully they were interrupted before he could open his mouth and no doubt mess up the perfectly good bonding moment they were having.

“Josh!”

Josh inadvertently flinched when the figure came barreling through the door and over to his bedside; he was still lying on his uninjured side and couldn’t muster up the energy to turn around to see who else had walked through the door.

But Tony ran up to him at full speed and skidded to an abrupt halt just as Josh subconsciously braced himself for the impact of the small figure barreling into him.

“Josh!” he cried again; the smile wide on his face but the glistening of his eyes told a different story, “You’re awake! I’m so happy to see you. I missed you so much!”

Josh couldn’t help but smile at that. “I missed you too, Tony,” he said, and he was being absolutely truthful.

“Are you feeling better? I wanted to stay the whole time, but Mary made me leave. She said I shouldn’t overwhelm you too much because you were still really hurt.”

“Mary wasn’t wrong, but I appreciate you being here,” he said, and he could see the way Tony almost beamed at his words.

“Of course, man. I got your back, right?” he said with a wide grin.

“Right,” said Josh, though his smile was tired and didn’t reach his eyes.

“Tony, what did I tell you about annoying Josh too much?” Came the new voice, familiarly disgruntled and if the irritated tone didn’t amuse Josh enough, Tony’s eye roll and disgusted groan certainly did.

“But Josh said it’s okay! Don’t be such a sourpuss, Mary.”

“Sorry,” said Mary as she walked up, “I tried to get him to stay home but he refused to listen.”

“It’s okay,” he said with a smile. “I appreciate the company.”

“ _See, Mary?”_

“Shut up, squirt,” she said, giving him a small shove out of the way, but she was smiling and so was he.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked immediately when she sidled up to the spot his dad had vacated; he vaguely heard his dad’s _‘I’ll give you give some time to catch up’_ before he left.

To be frank, he was getting pretty tired of everyone asking whether he was feeling better and whether he was ‘alright?’ But he forced himself to push down those negative feelings and just give them a simple nod in return. He wasn’t feeling okay but they didn’t really need to know that.

“Are you up for company?” she asked, “Cause the guys are all here as well.”

He wasn’t really up for it, especially trying to deal with more than one person at one time, but he just nodded his head with a simple, “Sure.”

It was jarring going from peaceful silence in the nearly empty room to having more than half a dozen people around him, talking almost all at once and asking him questions at the same time. He didn’t know that his discomfort was obvious on his face until he heard a shrill whistling sound before the room was once again plunged into silence; all eyes including his finding Mia standing off to the side with two fingers of each hand between her lips.

“You guys need to stop talking so loudly,” she scolded, “This is a hospital, not some rundown diner off the side of the road. Besides we came here to make sure Josh is okay, not to make him even sicker.”

Her words forced everyone to dial their enthusiasm back down to one and Josh was very much appreciative.

“How are you guys?” he asked instead without waiting for the obligatory ‘how are you’s’ to come his way.

“We’re okay. We’re not the ones in the hospital. We should be asking you that question.”

Josh sighed. “Everyone who’s been here has asked me the same question over and over again. I’m just sick of answering it. I just want to stop thinking about _this_ at least for a while,” he said bluntly.

It was Angie who quickly jumped into the fray, her smile wide and her personality as chipper as always. “We went up against the Cardinals this weekend for a friendly,” she said eagerly. “We used one of the old mixes you made for us for the performance and everyone loved it,” she said. “Even the judges and one of the trainers that came to watch came up to ask how you were. Everyone heard about the accident and everyone was super concerned about you,” she said.

Josh didn’t know what to say to that. It was such a surreal thought. He had a lot of friends back in New York, at least he thought he had a lot of friends, but it had become abundantly clear to him that _DJ Sparks_ had a lot of friends; Josh Harvest had not even a penny to his name and friends who were worth even less than that. No one cared to check up on his after his overdose; no one even seemed to care that he’d been sent off to the Boondocks to live in the swamp with the gators (because that’s pretty much how he expected the town to look before he got there). It hurt at first but eventually he came to accept that friendships, like relationships, were just never meant to last.

But here were these group of people in this rundown little army town that didn’t even seem to live in the twenty-first century and all of them had shown more concern about him within a couple of days than his friends of years and even his mother had shown him his entire life.

“Sorry I won’t be able to flip songs for you guys for a while,” _if ever again._ Deep down, he was still waiting for that final pin to drop, for them to finally drop the bomb and turn their backs on him because that’s what people did when things get hard or when someone’s problems turns out being more than they could handle. That’s what the people back in New York did, and that’s what his own mom did.

“What – why are you sorry?” asked Mary, her brows furrowed liked she was trying hard to find the logic in his statement. “What happened wasn’t your fault, not even a little bit. Besides there are more important things in life than music and competitions; one of them being your health.”

“I told you, didn’t I?” said Angie, “You’d be hard-pressed to get rid of us now. We’ve imprinted on you,” she said with a grin.

“Did you really think that we’re friends with you just because we want you to make music for us?” asked Lou.

Josh didn’t answer, but his silence was obviously answer enough for them.

“Why would you think that?” asked Mary, taken aback.

Josh took his time in responding. His eyes looking at absolutely everything else in the room besides the half a dozen gazes currently locked on him. “It wouldn’t be the first time,” he said truthfully.

“Well… then those people are dumb, and it’s their loss,” said Angie angrily. “Cause you’re amazing and a great person and one of the best people I’ve ever met, and you just happen to make kick-ass music on the side,” she said heatedly.

The vehemence in her tone brought a small smile to Josh’s face. “It’s okay, I’m used to it,” he said. He meant it to be a comfort but all it did was make all of them look even sadder.

“It’s not okay,” said Mary, “What they did wasn’t okay at all. You deserve better than that.”

“We’re not like that _at all_ ,” said Lou. “Sure we love your music, and sure that’s how we became friends, but it’s not the reason we want to stay friends with you. It’s cause you’re a cool guy and you helped us out when everyone else was laughing at us and mocking us and turning their backs. You’re the first person to ever do that and we won’t ever forget it.”

“He’s right. You’re our friend. You’ve been our friend since the moment you helped us at the dance and you’ll _always_ be our friend.”

Josh could only stare at them; his gaze going from one person to the other and noting the same kind of steely determination in all of their eyes.

“You helped us, Josh, you saved our team and you helped save the town; don’t think we’ll ever forget that. And it’s not fair what happened to you because of someone in this town over such a dumb issue; we’re the ones who should be sorry. If we hadn’t dragged you into this, this probably would never have happened,” said Mary. “Not to mention that he did all those things because of _me_.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Josh.

“I know,” replied Mary, “And it’s not yours either.”

Josh sighed. He admittedly walked right into that one. “Okay,” he said, cause he really didn’t know how else to respond.

“Will you stop carrying the burden on your own shoulders? We’re here, you know, we can help you – we _want_ to help you.”

“I know… just… maybe someday, but not right now.”

“When you’re ready,” said Mary, “We’re here, okay? Just know that.”

Josh smiled at that.

It felt like an enormous weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders that day.

The girls helped him to lie back down on his back after that, much to the teasing jealousy of the guys and they raised the back of his bed slightly so that he was more in a sitting position on the bed, able to look at everyone in the room as they lounged on every available surface and stayed with him talking for the rest of the day.

It was almost dark by the time they left, their smiles wide as they strutted out the room, shoving each other aside for the chance to be the last one waving at him as they left. His dad waited until they were all out of the room before he walked back in and Josh couldn’t help the very first instinct that came over him when he saw his dad’s face.

He smiled.

And his dad smiled back at him.

And for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel so alone.

It was a good feeling.

**The End.**


	2. What Now is Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few of the other characters weren't actually named in the movie, but a few of them I found their names through Google/ are the actor's names and the rest I took some liberty with as can be seen [**here**](https://78.media.tumblr.com/b6afa156d3d26acbc8bdc0a31e281f21/tumblr_p92jo18lWp1qisuk1o1_540.png)
> 
> This was actually uploaded as a separate fic on tumblr quite a while ago and I've been meaning to upload it here for ages but somehow seemed to forget about it. But I decided to put it up as a second chapter instead (mainly because I couldn't be bothered to think up a summary) and because it's really just a direct continuation of this fic. Meaning: more hurt and comfort ahoy!

He was in the hospital for three whole days before he could remember rejoining the land of the living. He spent the next few days after that slipping in and out like a flickering bulb which was pretty annoying. He didn’t know what day of the week it was – he’d forget within the next minute whenever someone told him – or anything about what was going on beyond the walls of the hospital. Hell, he was lucky he remembered how to wiggle his fingers when he had his hand hovering in front of his face.

But he was actually thankful for the gaps in his memories; he didn’t really want to remember the pain and the fear he felt those first few days. He lived with enough of it on a daily basis that he didn’t need the additional nightmare fodder.

The relationship between him and his dad continued to blossom. It was nowhere near fixed, and nowhere near reconciled, but he could stand looking at the man’s face when he was talking and not just feel anger, and his dad didn’t seem like he was always in a rush to end the stilted conversation and retreat somewhere else less hostile. His dad would talk and he’d listen; he wasn’t at the point where he felt the need to share too much of himself yet, but at the same time he’d answer his dad’s questions with a genuine answer and not just a one worded reply or a grunt.

Mary, Angie, Tony and the dance team were a constant presence at the hospital; at least one person was always there hanging around and talking with him. Telling him about everything and nothing and keeping the conversation going even though he wasn’t really contributing anything in return. But all of them seemed to understand his position and they didn’t force him to open up or pester him to talk and he appreciated it more than he let on.

Even Alex managed to drag himself away from his precious soccer games to come sit with him at the hospital from time to time, and more often than not, he wasn’t there in his capacity as a shrink even though Josh knew he was missing a lot of his court appointed sessions. He asked Alex about it but the man has just him not to worry about it.

The most unexpected visitor he had was Principal Johnson coming to check up on him. It shouldn’t have been all that surprising considering that he’d made his stance on the bullying absolutely clear, but the man had come and he spent half the time he was there apologizing for what happened even though it had really nothing to do with him. Even more so than his friends being there and his dad and Alex, the principal being so concerned about him in particular was unnerving. It wasn’t like the kind of relationship he had with the principal at his old school, who sometimes went out of his way to find Josh’s faults and reprimand him for it. He knew why his new principal liked him so much; he did help the dance team out of a rut and assisted them in becoming a point of pride for the school instead of the perpetual laughing stock, and the school district he was employed by obviously appreciated the praise and attention the school was getting as a result.

But it felt like the man was going out of his way almost; coming in with cookies and pastries that smelled of comfort and home and he’d stay for a while talking about things Josh wasn’t interested in but listened to out of courtesy. A couple of times he came while Alex was also there and Josh couldn’t do much of anything besides lying back and listening to them conversing a bit too passionately about the soccer game that had been on the night before. It was a bizarre scene and a surreal situation to be in but also comforting to be a part of.

Tony came with his mom once, which was a big surprise. Josh didn’t know how to react when they walked in; Tony looked particularly happy which was pleasant enough sight and his mom ended up fussing over him, fluffing the pillows behind his head and smoothing out the blanket covering him which was the most bizarre situation he ever found himself in. Before she left, she reached over to cup his face and just looked at him for a solid minute before she muttered a soft ‘thank you’ that was only for him to hear.

He didn’t think he blinked even once as his eyes followed them out the door and when they both disappeared around the bend.

The town and its people really had an innate ability to strip him of all coherent thought and action.

His first week in the hospital he could barely remember, but by the time the second week rolled by, he kind of wished he was back to being unconscious.

Just the simple act of sitting up and getting out of bed was like torture. He could barely hold back his tears most of the time and the pained groans were ripped from his throat more times than he could count.

He asked his dad to tell his friends not to come because he didn’t want them to see him like that, but deep down he knew that they all were there hovering in the background; still respecting his wishes but keeping their distance. The only person he really wanted there by his side was his dad and he actually stayed. He was there every second, every step of the way and the culmination of everything that had happened was when his dad took a seat on the bed beside him and Josh unconsciously leaned into his chest, burrowing his face in the man’s shoulder and feeling his arms gently circling around his torso, holding him close in a firm embrace. He could feel his fingers carding through his hair and the sound of his voice whispering words into his ears. He couldn’t really concentrate on what his dad was saying, but ultimately it was less about the actual words and more about him caring enough to stay, to hold him and to be a constant presence there by his side.

He didn’t want the moment to ever end.

That was rock bottom for him; the pain, the misery, the weakness and the humiliation, and it was all because of a stupid jealous asshole and his dumb asshole friends.

The day of his release couldn’t come fast enough. Being confined to the hospital room for that long was already driving him up the wall. If he never had to look at another white wall again in his life it would still be too soon.

All his friends were there, even Alex and his principal, waiting outside the front entrance when his dad wheeled him out the door with all their smiling faces and their chipper greetings. It wasn’t the sort of attention he enjoyed most of the time, but he learned to embrace it because these were people who genuinely cared about him. At one point during his stay at the hospital, he finally accepted the fact that there really was no getting rid of any of them and it was a realization that warmed him to the core.

The drive back to his house was slow and done in silence. A truck wasn’t the most comfortable means of transportation when every bump in the road felt like a steel hammer coming down on his ever suffering body. It was the worst because of his collarbone because he couldn’t find any position to sit or stand in that didn’t cause his whole shoulder area to scream out in pain. His dad was apologetic, and turned to look at him with worry every time they hit a bump and he tried not to let the pained wince get past his lips.

“It’s okay, dad, I just want to go home,” he said.

His dad didn’t point it out and he only just realized it himself when he said the word aloud, but calling his dad’s house _home_ didn’t sound so wrong anymore.

The moment they pulled into the driveway, Josh couldn’t help but let out an exhale of relief. He made no move to step out and his dad didn’t rush him, instead he just sat there in silence in the driver’s seat and leaned back with an exhale of his own.

“Welcome home, son,” he said, Josh couldn’t think of any other three words that sounded better to his ears.

Josh had avoided looking in the mirror the entire time he was in the hospital. It wasn’t that he was particularly narcissistic about his looks; he’d gotten into his fair share of bloody brawls in his life, it came with the territory; but from the reaction of people who came to visit, especially those who dropped by for the first time, Josh knew it probably looked bad. He still hadn’t seen the full extent of bruising on his chest and shoulder, only the bits that peeked out from underneath his collar.

But he couldn’t help but glance at the small mirror on the wall beside the door when he walked into his room.

Truthfully, it didn’t look as bad as he imagined; half the left side of his face from his cheekbone to just beneath his hairline was a molted purple and yellow. He had scabbed over road rash from his temple all the way down to his chin and a smattering of dried nicks and cuts everywhere else. But at least he still looked like himself; he could still recognize his own face in the mirror which was the only thing that mattered.

Once his dad got him settled in his room he finally found time to think; he would never have expected the first time he stepped into that house and into that room that there would come a point when he’d be glad, if not outright happy to be there, but he was. The smell of the wooden house was comforting and he didn’t realize how much he missed it until he was perched on the edge of his mattress looking around his room.

It was different back in New York. The atmosphere, the air, just the general presence that hovered around the place felt distant and cold. The room he lived in all his life always felt the same way, like he could step out of that room and out of that apartment gladly and without a glance back at all the memories he was leaving behind. There were no memories worth treasuring in that room, that apartment or the whole block the building was set on.

But his dad’s house it was different. He couldn’t look at anything in the room without a specific memory popping up in his head of something that had happened in that particular spot. The front door that he’d walked through that awful first day; the same one that opened to reveal the faces that would soon belong to some of the most amazing people he’d ever met. The living room that had felt so foreign and uncomfortable the first time around, also the place his dad had gifted him the pair of black jeans as a deed that probably hadn’t been a big deal to him, but to Josh, it was truly the start of everything.

The area where he put up his equipment and the place where Mary had opened up to him for the very first time and he’d told her something about him that he’d never told anyone else before.

The window that opened up into the big yard and the backwoods that lay just beyond the threshold and the place where he’d panicked about his joint when his dad suddenly knocked on the door.

In the short time he’d been in that house, he’d accumulated more memories about being there than he had his entire life living with his mom in their apartment back in New York.

“Josh, do you need anything?”

He glanced up from where he’d been staring at an indistinct point in the corner of the room, lost in thought, when he heard his dad’s voice. “No, I’m good,” he said.

“Well, if you need anything, absolutely anything, you just call me okay? I’ll be right outside,” he said with a smile, tapping the side of the door twice before he left.

Josh just sighed, his right arm reaching across his shoulder to wrap around his front protectively. The sling was tight holding his arm immobile against his chest; it wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was by no means comfortable either.

The doctor told him that the break in his collarbone was clean, meaning that there were no bone fragments floating around dangerously, threatening to cause more problems; and because of his health and his age, they said that the shoulder and the ribs would heal up well in not time. According to them that there was no medical reason for him not to be able to continue doing his music once his arm fully healed, so that was a large weight that had immediately been taken off his aching shoulders. He was also pleased by how happy his dad seemed by the news.

He slowly inched his way back onto the bed, resting his back against the pillow his dad had arranged high against the wall, so he’d be able to lean back comfortably without putting too much pressure on his arm and chest; wrapping his good arm around himself almost like protection.

He felt completely exhausted all of a sudden. It wasn’t the usual kind of tiredness that could be chased away by a couple of hours of sleep. It was the kind of bone-deep weariness that he’d been feeling since he was young. It was something he’d forgotten about for a while since he’d been in town; or rather he’d been too preoccupied in the last few months to give it the attention it wanted. It had even left him alone while he was in the hospital but it was coming back to him in full force at that moment.

He considered calling his dad, but there was still a part of himself that kept whispering dark things into his hear, that told him not to call him, that told him to just suck it up and deal with it like he’d been doing for years. No one liked a crybaby and he was quickly turning into one.

So he kept his tongue in his cheek and rested his head against the wall behind his bed, closing his eyes and willing the voices and the dark thoughts to go away.

Turned out he didn’t have to call his dad anyway, because the knock at his door and his dad’s voice softly calling his name pierced through the dark veil that was starting to cloud around him. Josh wasn’t sure whether he answered his father’s call, but the man pushed the door open and half stepped in anyway.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” said Josh quickly.

“Are you sure?”

“Really, dad, I’m fine.”

“Okay then,” he said and deep down Josh was happy that his dad sounded genuinely concerned; that he didn’t just take his word at face value the way everyone else always did. “I just came to let you know that your friends are here to see you – but only if you feel like you’re up to it. If you’re tired, I know they’ll understand.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I want to see them.”

“Great,” he said with a smile, pushing the door open fully to reveal the smiling faces that were already standing behind him.

Tony as usual was in the forefront, not waiting for his dad to step aside before he pushed his way through, skipping into the room and heaving himself onto the bed without waiting for an invite.

Josh could only smile at his audacity.

“Hiya, Josh,” he almost chirped.

“Hey, Tony. How’s it going?” he asked.

“It’s going good.”

“ _Tony_ ,” said Mary exasperatedly.

“It’s okay, Mary,” he said and chuckled a little when Tony turned around to blow a raspberry at his indignant sister.

“You settling in okay, man?” asked Lou.

“I suppose. It’s better than the hospital for sure.”

“I bet,” said Aadesh.

“Were you going to do anything special?” asked Angie, “I mean, besides sitting there all sad and puppy-dog-eyed.”

Josh chuckled at that. “Not really, I was all set on wallowing in my puppy-dog-eyed sadness for the rest of the night.”

“Cause we were wondering,” she added, glancing around unsurely at the rest of the people in the room, “If you wanted to come outside with us for a bit, I mean, only if you feel up to it.”

“Why?”

“Just… it’s kind of a surprise,” she said with a smile.

Josh just sat in silent contemplation for a moment. Did he really want to leave the warm comforts of his room and his soft mattress and drag himself pathetically out into the darkness and the cold? But the looks on their faces, cautiously hopeful and expectant, looking at him like a basket of excited puppies made his mind up for him.

“Okay,” he said with a sigh, pushing himself up with his good arm, careful not to jolt his shoulder too much as he scooted towards the edge of the mattress and standing up with a painful groan that he tried to hide. He hated the guilty look it brought onto their faces. “It’s fine, guys. I’m just a little sore.”

“If you’re –” one of the guys started to say and Josh held up a hand to silence him immediately.

“Come on guys, I really don’t need you to tiptoe around me like that. Please,” he said.

“Okay.” They all answered almost in unison.

“You kids going outside?” His dad asked when they stepped out of his room; everyone keeping a safe distance so that they didn’t accidentally bump into his shoulder.

“Yes, sir,” said Lou immediately. “To the – uh, the place,” he said furtively, and Josh didn’t like the look knowing look his dad had on his face.

“Well better bring a jacket, son,” he said. “It can get pretty chilly out there at night during this time of the year.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, moving to turn and walk back into his room when his dad held up a hand.

“I’ll get it,” he said, stepping around Josh and walking into the room, “I think I packed it up in your bag with the rest of your stuff before we left.”

For a moment, Josh couldn’t do anything besides staring at his dad’s back hunched over rummaging through his bag. He didn’t think he could recall even one instance of his mother ever going out of her way to do something for him if she wasn’t getting anything in return.

He didn’t have time to mull over the depressing thought further because his dad returned with a smile and one of his black hoodies held up in front of him.

“Here,” he said, motioning for Josh to lift his arm; he was very aware of everyone else in the room at that moment, and he was very aware that all of them were pointedly looking at absolutely everything in the house except in direction of him and his dad.

His arm lifted almost of its own accord and he watched in near fascination as his dad slipped the sleeve of his hoodie up to his shoulder, adjusting the front so it settled properly over his chest and draped the other side gently over his shoulder strapped tightly in the sling. It seemed like it wasn’t just a moment that meant something to him, the look on his dad’s face was unreadable as his hands moved to smooth out the sleeves of the hoodies and adjust the way it draped over his shoulder. If Josh had to pick a word to describe it, he would settle on ‘wistful.’

“There,” he said finally, taking a step back, “Nice and warm.”

Josh was silent for a moment before he finally managed to dredge up an unsure, “T-Thanks… dad.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile. “Now you kids go have fun.”

If Josh was at all suspicious of their plans, it was definitely confirmed by the time they stepped out of the front door and into the chill of the night time air and every single face turned to him with a too-wide grin.

“Close your eyes,” said Mary, sidling up to him. “Please? We won’t let you stumble or walk into a tree or anything.”

“Why?” he asked suspiciously.

“It’s a surprise, Josh. C’mon, please,” said Angie, and Josh found that he could never say no to those eyes no matter how hard he tried. Having Angie around was like having a very cuddly, very persuasive kitten that kept trying to get you to give it all the food.

He sighed in exasperation but obliged. He could feel someone (Mary?) slipping her hand into his and another one reaching across the small of his back, guiding him forward. He didn’t like not being able to look where he was going, especially since he wasn’t even in the position to be able to catch himself if he fell, but having the two presence by his side at least assured him that they wouldn’t let anything bad happen during the journey.

The journey didn’t last long. He must have taken all of thirty-steps from the front door of his house before he could feel Mary and Angie beckoning him to stop.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now,” said Mary, and Josh didn’t fail to notice the uncharacteristic excitement in her voice. He couldn’t see, but he could feel Tony almost bouncing around when he stood somewhere in front of him.

He took a deep breath, not really sure why he felt so nervous over what was happening, but he exhaled the moment he opened his eyes and was left at a loss for words.

Under one of the largest trees off to the side of his dad’s house; the branches reaching out over their heads lit up with more than a dozen oil lanterns hanging over them like a halo was a small bonfire burning right in the center. A sitting area made out of carpets, blankets and pillows was arranged around it in a circle.

“What’s this?” Josh asked.

“Well,” said Mary, “Ever since we joined the dance team, we made a promise to get together for a bonfire and an outdoor sleepover a couple of times a year. It was something of a morale booster at first, but then it kind of turned into being a place for us to go and lick our wounds so to speak.” Mary spoke the last words in jest but Josh could see the hurt behind her eyes. “So much has changed, but it’s become something of our annual tradition.”

“We always did it on the docks by the river – you know the river where the medal tree is? – but since you’re hurt, we didn’t want to drag you all the way out there, so…” Angie said, stepping forwards and making a ta-da motion with her arms.

“You guys didn’t have to go through all that trouble,” said Josh. “Did it just _happen_ to be tonight though?”

“Actually… it was a couple of weeks ago,” said Mary, “A few days after your accident. We were actually going to invite you to come, but then… but then you were in the hospital and everything was just upside down and it just wouldn’t feel right not having you there, because you’ve become an important member of this team as well.”

Mary trailed off into silence, glancing away sheepishly and Josh didn’t know what to respond to what she said so he just kept quiet.

“So – uh, how about we sit?” said Aadesh, cutting into the awkward silence, trying to ease the tension.

“Your dad made this,” said Mia motioning to what looked like the backrest of a chair sitting between the pillows that had been stacked up on the blankets, “When we told him what we wanted to do. I think it’s much more comfortable for you to be able to lean against something. I bruised a rib once and I swear I couldn’t sit straight for a month.”

“Really guys…” said Josh.

“Come on, Josh. Remember you said that you didn’t want us to tiptoe around you? Well it’s the same for us too. We know you’re hurt, so you don’t have to pretend with us that you’re okay because we know you’re not. Just… just let us – _your friends_ – help you once in a whole, okay? Just like you helped us.”

Josh just shook his head slightly, though he couldn’t stop the tug of the smile at his lips. “Fine.”

He hated to admit it, but the half chair was indeed very comfortable when he finally managed to lower himself into a sitting position (with help) and the pillows were the softest pillows he’d ever rested on.

“My mom makes and sells pillows in her spare time,” said Lou when he noticed Josh appreciating the tasseled blue pillow beside him.

“Really? That’s awesome, man. _They’re_ awesome.”

“Thanks,” said Lou, beaming, “I’ll tell my mom you said that. She’ll be over the moon. You’ll probably be getting pillows as birthday and Christmas gifts for all eternity though.”

The concept of getting gifts was such a foreign notion to Josh that he subconsciously just shrugged off the comment.

His mind started trailing soon after; he could still hear the sound of everyone talking around him, laughing and telling stories, but he found that he couldn’t concentrate on keeping himself grounded in the moment. Everything was just too… baffling; he didn’t even know where to start.

Lou was talking, telling the story about how he started being interested in dancing; apparently through some TV show about a school choir that had a quote-unquote _‘fierce, fabulous black woman’_. Apparently he knew his calling in life after watching that.

He learned that Mia has two brothers in the military and Aisha and Angie had both parents who were in the military. Aadesh and J.P had both been thinking about enlisting before they found dance and Emma’s dad was currently serving his final tour. Mary and Tony stayed silent through the whole thing, Josh really couldn’t blame them.

“What about you, Josh?” asked J.P suddenly. “You know pretty much all there is to know about us, but we don’t really know anything about you.”

“Yeah, Josh,” said Angie, “We know that you used to be a popular DJ back in New York,” she added, looking slightly awestruck.

“DJ Sparks!” said Tony excitedly. “I showed you guys the video right? It was awesome.”

Josh found his gaze travelling to Mary, remembering the outburst he had during their fight, when he told her more than he really ever wanted anyone to know about him and his pathetic life.

“But if you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to.”

“How about we just start with the simple stuff?” said Lou. “Like… when did you start getting interested in music?”

That was a question he thought he could answer. He found everyone’s expectant gaze on him when he turned his eyes up.

“Around five,” he said. He’d said the same thing to Alex during their earlier therapy sessions and the guy had just taken it in his stride so Josh didn’t give the subject much more thought; it didn’t seem at all like a fact even worth nothing. He was terrible when he started out so he didn’t think back on those years much or with great fondness.

But the similar taken-aback looks on all the faces staring back at him was evidence to the contrary.

“ _Five_? That’s really young, man. No wonder you’re so good.”

Josh just shrugged his good shoulder. “It’s not that big a deal,” he said. “It was just… an escape of sorts. A way to drown out everything else.”

“Did you have your own mixing stuff back then already?”

Josh chuckled at that. “No. Believe it or not, people don’t make it a point to hire five year olds in New York. Nah… there was… there was this club, down the street from my apartment. I used to sneak in there at night to listen to the music and to watch the DJ at work. He caught me one night and told me that instead of calling the cops, he was going to give me a chance to make up for it by coming in during the day to help clean up. It was also when he spent his time mixing tracks and stuff and he let me watch first hand and even try out some of the things.” He was reminded of the conversation he had with Alex not too long ago about helping Mary and Tony even though no one in his life had ever helped him with anything. He forgot about the DJ at the club somewhere along the way; the memories of those fonder times getting buried under years of drug abuse and fighting and getting into trouble with the law.

He realized then how wrong he’d been.

“But eventually the music just wasn’t enough,” he found himself saying, “Or… I wasn’t enough for the music,” he said, well aware of where the topic was headed but he found himself unable to stop. “The… the drugs started when I was around twelve.” He dared a glance at the people around him when he said the words. Everyone looked shocked but not exceptionally taken aback; mostly it seemed because of his age, not so much the topic. The look on Mary’s face though spoke of guilt. “It was recreational drugs mostly; uppers and stuff. It cleared my head and helped me focus on the music. I tried some of the harder drugs once or twice, but they made my brain muddled and turned my music to shit so I stopped.

“I – uh… I OD-ed during a show… and because I’d gotten into trouble before, it was either deal with mandatory counselling or go to jail. My mom… well…” he shrugged his good shoulder casually, “She brushed her hands off me quick. That’s how I ended up here. I have to live with my dad until I turn eighteen and after that… I don’t know.”

He found himself exhaling when he finished. He didn’t dare look up to see the undoubtedly disappointed and probably disgusted look on their faces. If only they knew then what a fuck-up they were getting into with him, they probably wouldn’t even have knocked on his door. He was a disappointment to his mom and his dad probably knew what a disappointment he was going to turn out to be, that’s why he left before he was born.

“I-I know an overdose is a bad thing,” said Angie suddenly, “And maybe I’m just naïve and I don’t really understand the way things work out there because I’ve lived my whole life in this little town surrounded by people I will know for the rest of my life. I’m not happy that it happened to you, Josh, but I’m happy that it ended up bringing you here,” she said. She was looking straight at him when he looked up. “Cause you’re the best thing that ever happened to us and the best thing that ever happened to this town. I hope you know that.”

A resounding agreement followed her statement; Tony was practically bounding in his seat, nodding, agreeing with her.

For a long while, Josh didn’t know how to respond or what to say. He didn’t even know how to even begin processing what she’d said. His mom didn’t want him and neither did his dad, otherwise why would he have left the way he did? But all of a sudden to be faced with a group of people who wanted _him_ , who were happy to have _him_ and not just friends who were in awe of his talent and stuck around because of all the things he could do for them. It was such an overwhelming feeling.

He could feel the dampness in his eyes but vehemently tried to shove the bubbling emotion back down his throat.

He didn’t even blink until he felt a warm hand touching his arm gently and turned to look at Mary staring back at him intently.

“Angie’s right,” she said. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to all of us, so… _thank you_ , for letting us in.”

Josh didn’t think he could even open his mouth without getting emotional, so he just nodded.

“You know,” said Mia suddenly, “I never really met your dad before, I’ve seen him around town a few times and my mom said that he mostly keeps to himself – a bit like you actually – especially after he came back from the war. But I remember I was with my dad at the hardware store once and your dad was there talking with the owner. I’m not sure why I was even listening or why I even remembered what they were talking about, but your dad was telling him about his son who was a DJ in the city. I think maybe because that was the only thing I knew about him outside his name.”

Every single word that came out of Mia’s mouth baffled Josh more and more. _The war_? His dad talking about his son being a DJ?

“My dad was in the army?” he found himself blurting out instead.

“That’s what my mom said,” said Mia, “He and my dad served together. You didn’t know?”

Josh just shook his head, too flabbergasted to answer. “I don’t know anything about him. He… he left before I was born.”

The looks on their faces were sympathetic, but Josh found that he couldn’t even concentrate on that.

“Well…” said Mia, trailing off unsurely, “I’m sorry that you had to find out this way.”

“No, it’s okay. Thanks for telling me,” he said. It really put things into perspective and forced him to look at everything in a completely different way, but he found that he wasn’t angry, and that was probably the first time he actually felt almost at peace on the inside.

“So… I read on the comments on one of your videos that you were about to get a recording deal?” said Aadesh suddenly, changing the topic for his sake and for all their sakes and Josh couldn’t be more grateful.

“What – really? That’s so cool!” said Angie excitedly. “You mean I’m sitting this close to a person who’s almost a recording artist?” she asked, beaming.

Josh couldn’t help but chuckle at that, feeling the tension slipping from his shoulders. “I wouldn’t go that far,” he said. “They like me for the music I was making at the clubs and… well, the music I made while I was high. I always did my best work when I couldn’t remember most of what happened the night before. The feeling is intoxicating and addictive, but it also makes you feel really dirty after,” he said. After his initial hurdle, he found that the words were just flowing out without resistance. They’d seen the worst part of himself and still they stayed and for the first time in his life he didn’t feel the fear that these people were going to turn their backs on him and walk away at the first sign of trouble. “Flipping for you guys… honestly, it’s the first time I remember making good music without needed something to fuel my creativity so… I guess I have to thank you too.”

“I guess we all kind of saved each other in the end, right? That’s pretty awesome.”

Josh couldn’t help but smile. “I guess we did.”

They all stayed up talking almost the entire night. Josh didn’t notice when the conversation started dying down and the pauses in-between slowly became longer and more frequent, only that the next minute he was woken up by a sharp pain in his shoulder and entire left side. He’d fallen asleep at one point and ended up leaning heavily on his hurt shoulder against the backrest of his custom seat. It took a few seconds for the pain to subside and for him to come back to his senses, looking around at the other sleeping teenagers around him.

Aadesh, Mia and Angie were half huddled together, one on top of the other closest to his left. J.P and Tony were nearly side by side sleeping and Mary, Emma and Lou were sleeping almost embraced together on his right. The fire had burned itself out and was now more charred embers that glowed in the backdrop of the darkness.

He heard the sound of twigs snapping before he noticed his father walking up to their little faux-campsite brandishing two steaming cups.

“I made some hot chocolate,” he said, slowly crouching down to hand the cup to Josh, turning it around so he could grip the ear easily with his right hand.

“That sounds great,” he said, looking between his dad and the cup in his hand, “Thanks,” he said. He didn’t think his mom had ever taken the time to make anything for him if it wasn’t because she was trying to butter him up for one reason or another.

“You’re welcome,” his dad said with a smile, continuing his descent until he was seated on the ground beside Josh. “Seems like you kids had fun, I could hear you from all the way inside.”

Josh smiled at that. “Yeah. They’re great guys.”

They lapsed into silence after that, but it wasn’t the uncomfortable type of silence he used to get stuck in with his mom.

He was halfway through his drink before he felt the incoming yawn and wasn’t able to do anything to stop its arrival, his dad noticed. The chocolate drink aside, Josh could feel the comforting lull of sleep beckoning him once again. He felt the cup being plucked out of his grasp and his dad crouching down on his right side – he didn’t even notice the man had gotten up – his hand circling around his elbow.

“Come on, Josh, let’s get you to bed. I doubt falling asleep on this thing would do your shoulder any favours.”

Josh was prepared to argue. “The guys –”

“I’ll take care of them, son. Just… let’s just get you settled in first.”

He was too sleepy to resist when his dad pulled him to his feet and gently led him the short way back to the house, opening the door and maneuvering him into his room and gently lowering him down to sit on the edge of his bed. His sleep muddled brain thought to pull off his shoes first but he blinked and all of a sudden his dad was crouched in front of him, his hand expertly undoing the shoelaces and pulling them off his feet.

“You don’t have to do that, dad,” he said.

“It’s okay, Josh. I want to.”

Josh was silent, just looking at his father work on his shoes until they were both off his feet and he was sitting there in his socks, his hoodie barely hanging onto his shoulder.

“You were in the army?” he found himself asking.

He saw his dad still suddenly before his shoulders drooped slightly. “I was.”

“For how long?”

“Almost ten years,” he said.

“Mia said that you served with her dad,” he said, less of a question and more of a statement.

“I did,” his dad said. “He’s a good man.”

“You… You knew?” he started hesitantly, “That I was a DJ… before I came here?”

The question gave his dad pause. “I did,” he said, finally looking up to meet Josh’s eyes.

“How?”

His dad released a sigh. “After I got out of the army, I… I came looking for you… and your mother. I thought maybe there was still a chance to make things right, if not with her, then with you. I watched you once at your show and I wanted to come and see you after but – I got scared. You were with your friends and you were all grown up and I just… I realized how much of your life I’d missed out on and I just – facing a hail of gun fire and explosives all of a sudden seemed like a less daunting experience. The next thing I knew I found myself in my truck and I was driving away from the club and out of New York and… and away from you.”

All of a sudden it struck Josh how close he’d come to meeting his dad, actually experiencing the man coming for him instead of feeling like he was being saddled with someone who never wanted him in the first place. The bitter feeling in his stomach was overwhelming and he forced himself to swallow back his emotions and rein in his anger. It wouldn’t do him or his dad any good.

“Why didn’t you tell me? About this… about the army? About… everything?” he asked, angry at himself for the way his voice came out choked.

At least his dad had the decency to look guilty. “I didn’t want to invalidate my experience or your struggles by using that as an excuse for why I wasn’t there for you. But for everything else… I have no excuse… I wasn’t there for you when I should have been and I walked away from the first chance that was presented to me and don’t think I don’t look back on that moment with great regret wishing that I could turn back time and stop myself from making the second biggest mistake of my life,” he said. “The first was walking away from you and your mom in the first place.”

Josh could feel the warmth of the tears trickling down his face and was powerless to stop them from coming. “You should have been there…” he said, his voice almost a sob. “You should have been a father… you should have – all the years I spent thinking that there was something wrong with me; that I did something to drive people away – to make them leave… you should have been there – you should have been my dad and not just a blank space that I had to focus my anger on. You should have been there for me and for mom – they maybe she wouldn’t have blamed me for everything bad that happened in her life.” He found himself almost yelling by the end but his did kept silent through his tirade; only the dampness of his own eyes a sign that he was being affected by what Josh was saying.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “I know those words hold no real value and I wish I had something more to say to express how much I wish I could go back and change the past and be all the things you wanted and needed me to be. I have absolutely no excuse and I won’t pretend that anything I have to say in any way makes up for it.

“Getting that call from your mother that you were coming to stay with me was simultaneously the best and most terrifying moment of my life. I thought… maybe this is my chance to try and make things right with you, because you deserve so much more than what you’ve gotten, from both me and your mother. You’re a great kid and an amazing person and you deserve better parents that what you got and for that I can only say I’m sorry. But… if you’ll let me… I just want the chance to be there for you – as whatever you need me to be, a friend, a father, _anything_. I love you – I haven’t showed it enough and I’ve definitely not said it enough, but I do. The first moment I saw you getting off that bus, I couldn’t believe that I had a hand in bringing this person into the world and I realized just how empty my life had been up to that point. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been the best few months of my life and that’s because I finally have you in it, Josh.

“I love you, Josh, I always have even though I’ve done a piss-poor job of showing it, but I promise I won’t ever let you down again. I promise to always be there for you, for anything… but only if you _want_ me to be.”

The tears were free-flowing by the time his dad finished, for the both of them. It was just too much information to process in one night and Josh just couldn’t find the words to even begin to express how he was feeling, so instead he reached his right arm across his dad’s shoulder and slowly leaned down without word. His dad understood what he needed and raised himself up on one knee to meet him halfway, pulling him close to his chest and holding him firm in his embrace.

“I do,” he said finally, almost a whisper said into his dad’s ear. He couldn’t see his dad’s expression but he felt the arms around him tighten further and he reciprocated the hug just as intensely. “I love you dad.”

“I love you too, son, so, _so_ very much.”

Josh wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that and deep down he never wanted to let go, but he could already feel his shoulder aching and the start of a stitch in his side. He must have made a sound because he could feel his dad’s grip unfurling behind him, releasing him from the strong hug. He was reluctant to let go completely but had to straighten up because he couldn’t catch his breath completely.

“You okay, Josh?”

Josh kept his eyes clenched but nodded, which obviously didn’t seem like the most encouraging sign. “I’m okay, just a little sore,” he said finally, opening his eyes to stare into his dad’s concerned ones.

“Why don’t you lie down, try and get some rest. It’s been a hell of a day.”

Slowly his dad pulled back the covers and helped him into bed; fluffing the pillows behind his head and tucking the covers around him. Josh wondered whether that was how it would have felt to grow up in a household with a parent who cared and he realized how much of a childhood he really missed out on, but in that moment he found himself far too contented to be bitter about it.

“I’ll take care of your friends,” his dad said, sitting perched on the side of the bed, his hand patting Josh gently on the thigh, “So you get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning, okay? If you want to.”

“Okay,” he said simply.

His dad smiled and reached out to pat him gently on the side of the cheek before straightening up and heading out the door, switching off the lights before he stepped out and closing the door behind him.

Josh swore he wasn’t tired, but he was out like a light before the door could even swing completely close.

Morning came far too quick for his sleep muddled brain.

The sun was shining too brightly and the birds were chirping too loudly, even the trees were rustling its leaves too harshly.

Josh woke up feeling like crap, but that really was nothing new.

His shoulder was sore, his collarbone was painful and his entire left side felt like he and three tons of concrete fell asleep on it, but somehow he managed to drag his pathetic ass out bed and sit on the edge of the mattress, yawning.

He wondered if his dad drove everyone home last night, or if they were all still sleeping outside around the now burned out campfire.

After about ten minutes of sitting in silent contemplation, Josh managed to haul himself to his feet, aching and groaning, and make his very slow way towards the door. He wasn’t sure what time it was or whether his dad had already left for work. He’d had taken the last two weeks off to take care of him in the hospital which was far beyond anything Josh could ever have expected from him or from anyone. But his dad had left no room for arguments.

He slowly dragged himself out the door, pulling it close behind him and was about two steps into the living room before he was halted almost immediately in his tracks.

Sleeping on the spare mattresses pulled out from the closet and the cushions of the sofa put down on the floor to create a makeshift bed were the guys; sprawled out every which way and a couple of them snoring loudly.

“I told the girls to take my room,” came the voice from the kitchen area and only then did Josh notice his dad sitting there nursing a cup of coffee and the morning paper, greeting him happily as he approached and took seat on the chair at his dad’s left elbow. “How was your sleep?”

“Okay,” he said, and it was the truth. “Where did you sleep then?”

His dad smiled at that. “I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with the paper,” he said, lifting up the cup in his hand, “This is my seventh cup and I’ve reread this paper maybe six times.”

“Why didn’t you come to my room?” he asked.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, Josh.”

“You wouldn’t have,” he said immediately.

His dad looked touched at his words. “Next time I will,” he said, reaching up to pat him gently on the shoulder. “Can I make you something? I make a mean scrambled eggs.”

Josh just looked at his dad for a solid second before nodding. His dad immediately put down his coffee and folded his paper before getting to his feet and moving towards the kitchen. Josh just leaned back in his chair and silently watched as his dad worked. To someone else it might not have been a big deal; it was just eggs, but to Josh, it meant absolutely everything. It meant that his dad thought about him, and considers what he might have liked. It meant that his dad was willing to go through the trouble of making it for him for no reason other than because he wanted to; not because he wanted something from him. It meant that for the first time in his life, someone actually put him first, before everything else they had going on in their life.

His dad took time off from work to care for him in the hospital and even now. He worried about him and helped him with the things he wasn’t currently able to do for himself. He sacrificed his time and effort for Josh and made room in his life for him and his friends and it didn’t seem like he was even doing it out of obligation. Everything about his dad it that moment felt like he was doing it because he wanted to, because he wanted to dote on him and do things for him just because he cared.

Josh didn’t think anyone had ever really done anything for him just out of the goodness of their heart; it was a pitiful reality but one he was used to.

But his dad… his dad was an anomaly, one that Josh originally thought he had figured out. He met all kinds of people in New York, most of them bad and all his life he’d considered his dad one of the worst. After all, who walks out on their wife and their unborn child?

_His dad did_.

But if the last couple of months had showed him anything, it was that people could change and people could be surprising, only if they were given the chance to do just that.

Josh had made a gamble by doing just that, perhaps in his dad’s case the situation might have originally been out of his hands, but it didn’t change the outcome. His dad was in his life and he was in his dad’s life and for the first time in his life, Josh actually felt like it was a place he was wanted and a place where he felt like he belonged; with his dad, with his friends and with Alex and all the other people in that quaint little town where nothing ever happened.

For the first time in his life, Josh felt like he was well and truly home.

His dad returned not two minutes later with a steaming plate of scramble eggs and two toasts, cut into triangles, placing both in front of Josh with a fork and retaking his seat. He didn’t open up his paper, he just sat back and took a breath, his eyes finding and staying on Josh like there was nothing else in the room worth looking at.

“Thanks, dad,” said Josh, the smile pushing itself onto his face.

His dad reciprocated the smile easily. “You’re welcome, son,” he said.

Josh couldn’t imagine a moment that could have been more perfect than that.

**The End.**


End file.
